Are Fantasies Ruining Your Sex Life?

FANTASIES ARE EVERYWHERE, THE NEW BLACK!

WHAT ARE YOUR FANTASIES?

WHO IS IN YOUR FANTASIES?

The dictionary says fantasies are:

• imagination, especially when extravagant and unrestrained.
• the forming of mental images, especially wondrous or strange fancies; imaginative conceptualizing.
• a mental image, especially when unreal or fantastic; vision: a nightmare fantasy.

By now we have all heard of the secret – manifest your life, visualise your life and make it real. We seem to get that visualising, thinking about and imagining our new car, house, bank balance – creates it, brings it to life and manifests it into reality. Picture it and you can have it.

We often hear ‘change your thinking, change your life’…

WHAT IF WE ARE THINKING ABOUT SOMEONE SEXUALLY?

WHAT IF WE ARE FANTASIZING ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE WHILE WE SELF PLEASURE?

WHAT IF WE ARE FANTASIZING ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE WHILE WE ARE WITH ANOTHER? 

How much of this ‘energy’ thinking is creative?

What happens to that creation we have in our minds and bodies?

If we believe what we think about we create, how does fantasy work? Are you creating the life you desire or are you putting your thinking into a ‘fantasy’. When we put thinking energy into something or someone, we are essentially bringing it to life. Imagine an energy particle and every time you think of that particle it grows gets a little bit stronger, if you are fantasizing about someone and making your connection stronger with them, what happens to your connection to self and to your partner (if that is not whom you are thinking about)?

One of the first questions you could ask is… Do you have permission? Have you asked for consent to fantasize about them? In this instance, we are not talking about an inanimate object, we are talking about a being of feelings, emotions and connection.

Dr. Masaru Emoto conducted water experiments where the water changed its molecules according to the thoughts being sent to it. If you are sending sexual thoughts to someone or bringing them into yours, what are you changing in someone else’s world?

CAN WE FEEL IT?

Most of us have had the feeling of someone is watching us – to turn around and see them, we can feel this from a distance. It feels creepy and eerie, Yes? Without permission having sexual thoughts about someone else – could at the very least be experienced this way.

Let me be clear, if you are playing your fantasies out with consenting adults, role playing, actually physically bringing your desires to reality, you are probably whole heartedly enjoying them. This is a fantastic way to live and embody your sexualness.

What I am talking about is preoccupation in our mental and energetic selves with sexualized thoughts. When we are thinking, projecting, idealising, visualising someone else for our sexual gratification.

We have heard the phrase, where thoughts go energy follows.

When we fantasize, we are taking from someone, they may or may not be aware of it. When you are visualising being with someone, you are essentially bringing it into existence. For some of you, you are thinking… awesome if Chris Helmsworth or Emma Watson turned up at your doorstep, you would be thrilled. Let’s be honest here, so might I (Emma could be a tad young).

What about when we are not fantasizing about celebrities, maybe it is the person in the office, the person on the train or bus, the neighbour, the secret crush you have, the relationship you would like but can’t have, your friend or ex-lover.

WHO ARE YOU CONNECTING TO?

What happens then? What if you are in a relationship or just hooking up with someone and you fantasize about someone else? Even if we just go with “where thoughts go, energy flows” who are you connecting to?

Is it the being with you or is it the imaginary person in your head?

Often, people say to me, I can’t connect when I am being intimate with my partner. I ask them what they are thinking about during sex, there are usually two responses,

1. Trying to get it right
2. Someone else.

I have written a lot about ‘trying to get it right’ check out by blog and my book
Paperback https://eroticcoaching.com.au/itsaninsidejob Digital https://gum.co/wwhmZ

There is no amount of ‘trying’ (candles, sexy lingerie, lavish dinners, gifts etc) going to help with connection if you are thinking about someone else. Imagine you have electrical current running through the house, your partner and you decide to make some toast, share in some brea and all you can think about is to plugging in the jug / kettle for a delicious cup of tea (I would be going for the coffee machine) you can taste this cup of tea, you are thinking about the warmth, how you will feel with the cup in your hand bringing it to your lips. How much heat does the toaster make, to provide your hot toast if it is never plugged in.ZERO! If you want to make toast with your partner you will need to plug the toaster in, if you keep plugging the kettle in its place – you still will have no toast.

Is there room for both, potentially not in the same moment. Not if you want to connect with the toaster for your toast, if you are thinking about the kettle and tea you are not fully present.

Imagine if you were with someone and they were thinking about someone else…

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL? IS THAT OK?

Have you even been having sex with someone and they don’t feel connected with you? There is a good chance that is because they are thinking about someone else.

How much effort does it take to try and have sex with someone while you are thinking about someone else? Heaps! Has it been very successful?

Fantasies often keep us in our heads, we lose sensation in our bodies, it also becomes an addictive habit, one that we can’t orgasm without it.

A BETTER WAY TO HAVE SEX IS:

Connection

Either with yourself or your Lover. Build the connection, touch, looking (you can use a mirror for solo practice), describing the sensations.

Going slow

The slower you go, potentially the more sensation you will feel, and the body has time to recognise what is happening, send the appropriate receptors and responses. It also assists to stay in the moment and not disappear.

Staying Present

Being in your body, feeling your pelvis, genitals, feet, hands and heart.

Breathing

Keeping your breath deep, which can be difficult during arousal, it will get easier the more you practise.

WHAT IF YOU JUST CAN’T HELP YOURSELF?

The next time you go to fantasize, ask yourself why? What might happen if you stay present with yourself (just you for solo) and your Lover? Might you grow in intimacy, connection and love? This might be what you are really scared of.

You might be running away from something else. Maybe it is an unhappy relationship, unmet sexual desires and needs. Wouldn’t it be better to own that, know that and then make choices from there, instead of hiding in your fantasies?

The body has lots of wisdom. Often when we are trying to stay out of it, there is a reason. Often it is something we don’t want to see, feel or know. When we are courageous to go in and see what it is, the treasure is gold. It may need to be polished to shine but if we are willing to do the work, give the body space to release, heal and develop, the reward is great. The reward is often more love, expansiveness, pleasure, sensitivity and deeper connection with ourselves and those around us.

If you have a strong habit for fantasy, it might take you a little while to build the connection, sensitivity and intimacy with your body and that of your Lover. Over time and practice, it will happen. Developing your capacity will bring you more pleasure, gratitude and connection than you could imagine.

This could probably be said to be very similar to porn. That, I am sure, is another blog. If you would like to get out of your head and into your body – I am here to help. Contact me myola@eroticcoaching.com.au

Award winning Myola Woods, is an Author, Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Somatic Sex Educator, International Intimacy Coach.

Myola is a pioneer with courage who bravely speaks about the things that make most of us uncomfortable… Myola will gently lead you out of your comfort zone and into the zone of personal growth and higher self-awareness.

Myola specialises in teaching individuals and couples the art of connection, creating and cultivating the choice of arousal, to deepen intimacy, sensation and pleasure … even if it has been a very long time!

As a Sexual being, mother of 4 teenagers and pleasure enthusiast, Myola appreciates the time constraints, daily and social pressures, that can play havoc on our erotic lives. Myola teaches ways to explore and enhance your love making in everyday life. Using techniques and practices that can turn you, and your life, ON.

Take your intimate life from ordinary to extraordinary! Have the orgasms you have read and dreamed about…YOU deserve them!

So, if you have had enough of mediocre, ready for change and desiring intimacy, connection and arousal, STOP wishing and hoping and START Now! Contact Myola TODAY!. myola@eroticcoaching.com.au 0423 919 270 www.eroticcoaching.com.au

 

Authentic Relating – Staying Connected when things get tough

Relationships are all smooth sailing – aren’t they…

Full of rosebuds, sun shining brightly, gentle breezes and rainbows

That is the fairy tale that we are brought up on, that we aspire to and what we believe in.  But like all things in life we generally do not learn and experience personal growth when only ever sailing in calm waters…

“A ship in harbour is safe — but that is not what ships are built for.” — John A. Shedd.

Relationships are made to bring out the best in us, to allow the best of us to shine, to be polishing each other, getting rid of what’s in the way of authentic love. Often our relationships are covered in and under lots of beliefs, thoughts, trauma, patterns and ways of being that may have not only come from you but those around you and society. We can drift along in relationships unconsciously and have it happen to us or we can move into more consciousness and love and create them.

If Relationships are going to bring out the best in us and they are not meant to always be plain sailing, how do we sail through the choppier waters and do so whilst staying in connection with each other.

What happens in your relationships when moments get tough?  We often think that Authenticity is the need to stand up for my rights, to say what I need to say, very staunch, very rigid and usually we want the other to bend to our will – that’s what we tell ourselves we want, often these ‘stances’ are from fear, from rejection, from holding back and wanting validation

When someone feels hurt, sad, angry or misunderstood what happens

• Is there a Mexican stand off
• Is there silence
• Is there arguing
• Are there an undercurrents of what is not spoken about
• Are there conversations that are never ending about whom was right and wrong
• Is there yelling
• Are there a bunch of unexpressed expectations
• Are there threats of leaving
• Is there disconnection?

Does this way bring you closer or further away from each other?

Does it build or detract from your relating?

Does it bring you peace or stress?

Does it bring contraction or openness?

Does it create more love and connection?

NOT USUALLY!

Why do we do it then, we know it is not very effective and we continue to do it… Usually we are trying to protect ourselves, going into past habits, projecting stories of other times, possibly still hurting from old wounding, we are always trying to stay safe, sometimes our safety mechanisms are pushing people out, running away, being defensive and creating drama.

What if there was another way, possibly a way beyond words…

Would you be interested?

What if it means dropping your stories, becoming vulnerable, softening the places that you are hiding, holding and keeping from you and your partner?

As mammals we desire connection, we are wired for connection and we ultimately want to be and receive love, be seen and heard.

If we have had experiences that do not support this, often we hide, want to run away or we stand and fight. None of these behaviours brings more connection.

To have deeper connection with ourselves and those we interact with requires:

• Vulnerability
• Sharing
• Listening
• Love
• Seeing and being seen.

Let’s try something different, are you ready?

The next time something happens in your relationship and you or they are having a tough moment.

STOP

• Sit together comfortably
• Look into each other’s eyes
• Become aware of your own body and its sensations
• See if you can gain awareness to the other persons emotions, feelings, state of being
• Be with this for a little while, nothing to change, nothing to do
• Noticing, feeling and being aware
• Then consciously drop into your heart, and ask yourself “what would love do?”
• Really feel that in your own bodyAsk yourself…
• What story do I need to let go of?
• Where do I need to soften?
• Where can I be vulnerable?
• If I was showing up for love… how would I be?
• What do I need to show?
• What do I need to see?Then without words…
• With your eyes, body language, energy and touch if that is agreed upon let the other person know
• Sit in that space for some time and let the bodies soften together, heal and communicate in their language.
• Once you feel complete (you will know) thank each other and be in that connect space together.

From a connected space, deep intimacy can happen, deep love, give it a go, I would love and appreciate your feedback, what happened? how would you describe the experience? send me an email Myola@eroticcoaching.com.au

Award winning Myola Woods, is an Author, Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Somatic Sex Educator, International Intimacy & Relationship Coach.

Myola is a pioneer with courage who bravely speaks about the things that make most of us uncomfortable… Myola will gently lead you out of your comfort zone and into the zone of personal growth and higher self awareness.

Myola specialises in teaching individuals and couples the art of connection, creating and cultivating the choice of arousal, to deepen intimacy, sensation and pleasure … even if it has been a very long time!

As a Sexual being, mother of 4 teenagers and pleasure enthusiast, Myola appreciates the time constraints, daily and social pressures, that can play havoc on our erotic lives. Myola teaches ways to explore and enhance your love making in everyday life. Using techniques and practices that can turn you, and your life, ON.

Take your intimate life from ordinary to extraordinary! Have the orgasms you have read and dreamed about….. YOU deserve them!

So, if you have had enough of mediocre, ready for change and desiring intimacy, connection and arousal, STOP wishing and hoping and START Now! Contact Myola TODAY!. myola@eroticcoaching.com.au 0423919270 www.eroticcoaching.com.au

Before YOU have the AFFAIR – READ THIS!

Whilst you probably think I am going to be all judgmental, come down on you and tell you not to have the affair – that may not be the case.

Although after reading this you might be more informed about why you are thinking about an affair, so making conscious decisions.

Affairs are exciting aren’t they?

What draws us to the affair and what do you clarify as an affair?

What is ok…

• Texting
• Flirting
• Sexy images
• Intimate messages
• Heart / emotional messages
• Lustful messages
• Intellectual messages
• Deep and meaningful conversations?

There is an old saying
‘You can look at the menu as long as you eat at home’
What do you think about this?

What do you consider an affair? Physical, intellectual, heart, or emotional engagement?

What is sexual energy?

Most of us are not taught about energy and certainly not sexual energy.  We might be living with our long term partner and have an interaction with someone at an event.  We notice we feel different, something is stirred within us, we feel vibrant, seen, exhilarated, our adrenaline is rushing, oxytocin and dopamine, all our feel good hormones are flowing, we are on a rush.

What do we do with all these feelings, noticings?

We often get confused with ‘this person made me feel this way’ rather than these feelings are in my body and my body feels this way, these are my feelings and noticing them gives me the choice of what to do with them.

You might decide jeez it really is a long time since I noticed I felt this way, what could I do to nurture them in myself?

If you notice them, cultivate them within yourself and then take them home to your partner and spice things up.

How could either of these change your life?

Before you rush off into ‘affair adventure land’, how about asking and considering some of the following:

How is your own connection with your body?

Is it possible this interaction could be showing you where you need some attention, some time to cultivate your own sensuality and self discovery?

What is your current home life?

Is it possible you have let some things slide?  Is it possible this interaction is showing you what might be missing and encouraging you to find it and nurture it at home?

What is your current intimate life?

Are you having connection, sex and intimacy?  Relationships need all three to thrive. Have you had conversations about what you desire?

Often we have conversations that say, ‘we don’t have enough sex’, ‘you don’t do the dishes’, ‘you never take us out or the initiative’, ‘you spend too much time at work / out / on the TV’ we don’t usually say…

“I desire for us to connect on a really deep level, and yes it scares me too. I desire for us to have intimacy and vulnerability as well as great sex. I desire to grow together, nurture and inspire each other to be the best we can be. “

Because then we have to take responsibility for our desires, instead of making someone else wrong.

One conversation brings us closer together, the other separates and divides.

What conversations are you having? Or need to be having?

Top 8 common reasons people cheat

According to a University of Maryland study, led by professor Dylan Selterman and  published in the Journal of Sex Research, which examined people’s self-reported motivations for engaging in infidelity, researchers identified eight common reasons people cheat:

1. Anger: seeking revenge for a partner’s betrayal.
2. Sexual desire: feeling unsatisfied with the sex in a relationship and wanting to try something new.
3. Lack of love: loss of passion or interest in a partner, falling “out of love”.
4. Neglect: not receiving enough love, respect and attention.
5. Low commitment: one partner is not as committed as the other, or both partners didn’t understand the relationship was exclusive.
6. Situation: includes scenarios outside of a person’s normal, such as being intoxicated, on vacation, or under high stress.
7. Esteem: seeking to increase self-worth by having sex with multiple partners.
8. Variety: wanting to experience sex with as many partners as possible.

Secrets and Lies

When we begin a relationship (of any description) it is full of vigor, surprise and arousal. When it is an affair, which is secret and / or forbidden this simply adds fuel to the already stoked fire.

What if it wasn’t a secret? Would it still be as exciting? Are you rebelling after years of suppression?

Secrets create stuck energy in the body; our secrets, other people’s secrets, they keep us bound.  Maybe this is exciting and feels adventurous for you in the beginning, all the adrenalin, the high intensity, being highly vigilant on where, when, what’s on your phone.

Remember the last time you kept a secret for yourself or someone else.

What happened in your body, your mannerisms, did you become closed, sensitive, not wanting to share?

Even if it is a great surprise, secrets can still create a bunch of tension and confusion.

When was the last time you tried to create a secret surprise for a partner, child or colleague and there was all this hush hush, secrecy, hidden phone calls, messages and whisperings. The person the secret surprise was for may feel something is going on and it may not feel so good.

Secret surprises can be fun, loving, caring and beautiful but the underlying energy may also cause angst. So what are the possible effects with affairs?

Speaking Openly

There are other ways of approaching having interactions with other people whether they are emotional, sexual, or intellectual.

Having a conversation with your partner about what else you might require in your life to thrive could expand your experience.

You never know having these conversations might bring you closer together and it also could give the other person a chance to see what it is that they would like to add to their lives.

Having the conversation and getting clear, behaving in an effective, clean, vulnerable, authentic way creates a different paradigm. It gives possibility for massive expansion and growth, embedded in love.

If everyone knew and was ok about you having sex with someone else – Is that person still attractive? Is the energy still the same?

We can experience extreme sexual energy with someone, but remember it is your energy it had to be there, they didn’t magically create it, the interaction caused you to be present enough so that you could feel it. It is still yours!

Sexual energy is our life force, it can be confusing if we don’t know how to use it? What it is for? How do we cultivate, nurture and expand it? These are questions we have never had the answers to.

When someone stirs them up we imagine what we need to do is go towards them.

Before you try that – GO towards YOURSELF first and see what happens.

What will having an affair cost you?

Try some self inquiry, some soul searching because we think it is easier to go with the shiny new thing than deepen with the old.

When we don’t have the conversations we miss opportunities to go deep into intimacy, vulnerability, connection and love.

Will you take the risk?

What if this is your pattern, you get close and you run away?

Once the shine wears off – you are nowhere to be seen?

It’s too much effort to maintain, keep going, better to start again, fresh, this time it will be different! Are you saying this to yourself?

Some questions to ponder:

Who is the affair for?

What will happen if I am found out?

•          My partner / Lover
•          Financially
•          Emotionally
•          Housing
•          Children
•          Friends and family

Are you able to have a conversation about how you would like your life to be, before jumping into an affair?

We have affairs for many reasons, by reading this you may know yours and have the initial understandings of which way to move forward with consciousness, thriving and self love as your focus.

I would love to hear your stories, thoughts and comments, please email me at myola@eroticcoaching.com.au

Award winning Myola Woods, is an Author, Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Somatic Sex Educator, International Intimacy & Relationship Coach.

Myola is a pioneer with courage who bravely speaks about the things that make most of us uncomfortable… Myola will gently lead you out of your comfort zone and into the zone of pleasure, personal growth and higher self awareness.

Myola specialises in teaching individuals and couples the art of connection, creating and cultivating the choice of arousal, to deepen intimacy, sensation and pleasure… even if it has been a very long time!

As a Sexual being, mother of 4 teenagers and pleasure enthusiast, Myola appreciates the time constraints, daily and social pressures, that can play havoc on our erotic lives. Myola teaches ways to explore and enhance your love making in everyday life. Using techniques and practices that can turn you, and your life, ON.

Take your intimate life from ordinary to extraordinary! Have the orgasms you have read and dreamed about….. YOU deserve them!

So, if you have had enough of mediocre, ready for change and desiring intimacy, connection and arousal, STOP wishing and hoping and START Now! Contact Myola TODAY!. myola@eroticcoaching.com.au 0423919270 www.eroticcoaching.com.au

3 Ways to enhance your relationship – Ignite the magic.  

Who believes relationships should be magic?

Who wants more intimacy and connection?

As mammals we are designed to desire connection, no matter how independent we want to think we are, our innate longing is connection.

We are coming up to Valentines day, how is everyone feeling?

Excited / Nervous / Anticipation / Don’t really care / It’s not for me ?

One of the biggest questions is why is our expression of love limited to only 1 day… why isn’t Valentines day everyday?

How would your life be if you lived every day as Valentines day?

Ask yourself the following about your relationship.

How is my relationship, out of a score of 1 to 10 – only you will know… 1 being non existent and 10 being over the moon.

Firstly with yourself, our primary relationship?

With your partner / Lover?

With your family and friends?

How would you like it to be? What would you change?

The definition of relationship is: the distance between two objects… does this surprise you?

How much distance is there between you and …. You, your lover, your friends?

Where is the magic?

What is magic to you?  How does it feel? How do you know it?

Magic for me is feeling tingly, light and inspired with deep gratitude.

Are you wanting magic with no effort?

Tip No. 1 –  SLOW DOWN!

I know you think this sounds boring, why would I want to slow down, I have so much to do, I am so busy, how could I slow down. Often we are busy being busy and we have forgotten the important things and people. When we slow down, we have more time because we are focused, flowing and in tune, our time is spent wisely and not just being busy for busy sake.

How do we slow down?

1. Be present, bring our attention to ourselves.
2. Breathe, begin deepening your breath, bringing your breath into your body, see if you can breathe into your belly and down to your pelvis. How quickly is your body changing, with only your breath.
3. Notice, your body, what sensations are you aware of?

Take a few very deep breaths now and notice how you feel? What are the differences…

Tip No. 2 –  Make an effort

Think about the last time one of your friends or relatives said “no” to your invitation, how many invitation rejections did it take before you stopped asking. Now I am not suggesting that you should do something that you don’t want to. I am suggesting maybe there needs to be a different conversation.

Imagine if it is this easy to disconnect with our friends and relatives, what is it like for your Partner, to always hear “I am too busy”, “not right now” and “I am not in the mood”, ALL the time.

Most of us write and read affirmations, if we are crystal lovers we put them out in the new and full moon for cleansing and recharging, if we have plants we water and nurture them and we listen to what they might need. Are you this attentive to your relationship?

What are some ways you can make an effort?  Usually a small consistent action will make in roads to the connection and intimacy you desire.  Here are some ideas.

Greetings
How do you greet each other? From the other room or with eye contact or a passionate embrace.
How do you say goodbye when you leave?
Take note and see what you can change, try making eye contact, a full body hug, a passionate embrace, building the anticipation, mix it up and surprise each other.

Texts
What texts are you sending?
Pick up the milk, children, etc
A list of chores?
How about some texts about how you feel?
Can’t wait to see you?
When you get home I am going to do … this ….. and this… .
I get butterflies thinking of you mmmmm
The children are out, hurry home (wink).
When we think about sending sexy texts, it can be off putting thinking we need to sound like a porn star, where in actual fact speaking and telling of our feelings, connection and desires is arousing because it is real. The more we practice sharing the better and the more comfortable we get.

Clothing / Attire
Wearing clothes that make you feel good.  I don’t need much of an excuse to dress up, play and have fun, sometimes I do it for a change of state as well, maybe I am not feeling tip top, I could be a little tired or lack lustre, when I put some of my favourite outfits on this changes, the fabrics, the colours, I begin to notice the sensations in my body, I become present and I have access to a range of feelings and possibilities.

Wearing clothing, non-clothing that makes you feel good, or alternatively wearing clothing that your partner really likes, creates space for that to happen.  Do they like white see through blouses? Vests and hats? High heels? Maybe try wearing something that will bring happiness, anticipation and arousal to them.

Altars
Set up a special place for your relationship, where you can put pictures, affirmations, books, oils, etc so that you are creating the consciousness you are desiring for your relationship.
Your altar can be small or your whole boudoir, somewhere that you can hold those intentions for you both. It would be wonderful if you created it together and spent some time there cultivating and nurturing your connection and love.

Tip No. 3 – Gratitude

What are you focused on?
Are you focused on the things going wrong? The things your partner doesn’t do?
What we focus on, is what we get more of. Do you need to change your focus?

When things are going well, we can reach a ceiling, particularly in pleasure, money, love, when we don’t know how to embody this new feeling, energy, sensation so we can be destructive with it. Some of the destructive ways we deal with it is to:

• Look for faults in our partners, become nit picky
• Start worrying, creating stories on how things will go bad
• Kick our toes on the furniture (who has done this – how painful is it)
• We want to run away, this is not working I’m out, because we get closer in intimacy and we become scared and desire to flee.

My two are worry and running.
Now I can catch myself more easily, it has taken much practice and many years. When my head starts to worry or tell me stories to run away I can now trace back to the time of feeling good and embody it rather than go into overwhelm and disconnection.

Which one can you relate to?

Invitation
In your gratitude journal, write 3-5 things about your partner you are grateful for every day and see what happens.

I would love to hear what changes you make and what the results are!

Award winning Myola Woods, is an Author, Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Somatic Sex Educator, International Intimacy & Relationship Coach.

Myola is a pioneer with courage who bravely speaks about the things that make most of us uncomfortable… Myola will gently lead you out of your comfort zone and into the zone of personal growth and higher self awareness.

Myola specialises in teaching individuals and couples the art of connection, creating and cultivating the choice of arousal, to deepen intimacy, sensation and pleasure … even if it has been a very long time!

As a Sexual being, mother of 4 teenagers and pleasure enthusiast, Myola appreciates the time constraints, daily and social pressures, that can play havoc on our erotic lives. Myola teaches ways to explore and enhance your love making in everyday life. Using techniques and practices that can turn you, and your life, ON.

Take your intimate life from ordinary to extraordinary! Have the orgasms you have read and dreamed about….. YOU deserve them!

So, if you have had enough of mediocre, ready for change and desiring intimacy, connection and arousal, STOP wishing and hoping and START Now! Contact Myola TODAY!. myola@eroticcoaching.com.au 0423919270 www.eroticcoaching.com.au

Who is the GIFT for?

Are you really gifting YOURSELF?

As we move away from Christmas and into Valentines Day… Who is the gift for? Do you like giving gifts? Do you think they are a waste of time? Why do you buy gifts?

Having a discussion last week over coffee we were discussing sex toys (as you do) and they suggested they would never buy someone a sex toy, they might buy some lingerie or something but definitely not a sex toy.

I was curious to how they saw this and asked a few questions and as we unraveled the details of what they would buy and wouldn’t, the following thoughts were uncovered.

Buying someone a sex toy is about their pleasure

They might like it more than me

I might be left out.

Buying lingerie I get to see, feel and be included.

I suggested they might be a tiny bit selfish here and I could see by their face that I had touched a nerve and with the response ‘Everyone is selfish’ in return, I knew there was something to uncover.

I then gave examples of when I do a), b), or c) I know there is a benefit of being helpful and my generosity of giving and that it is not a direct payoff for me.

When I give something I need to make sure that I am not over doing things, I have to check in and see if I am expecting something in return, see if I am whole-heartedly giving and not from a place of

• Feeling guilty
• Feeling obliged
• Feeling superior
• Feeling used.

Because when I have come from these spaces and energies, they have totally backfired on me and I have been left feeling hurt and lonely, I have learnt (mostly the hard way) about giving.

How do you check where you are coming from?
Does this happen to you?
Do you give too much or too little?

On the other hand when at times I have asked someone to wear something, do something for me, which is totally for me.  I am not gifting them an item and then saying wear it – it is very clear that the gift is for me, if they choose to wear the item or do the task then they are gifting me!

This is not to say they don’t enjoy gifting, we all enjoy being received and we all thrive in clear, clean intentions and actions. What fun, curiousity and playfulness can come from interactions with no agendas or misaligned intentions.

When our thoughts and actions are murky it often disrupts the flow between people and it becomes confusing, “I thought you said this gift was for me but how come you have all these rules about how and where I can use it”. Gift giving without clear intention causes undercurrents in language, our emotions and relationships.

Have you ever considered who you are buying the gift for? What your intentions are?

How would it be to buy someone something that gifts to you? And state that upfront? Nerve wracking? Thrilling? Exciting? Fun?

Why not take a risk and see what happens!

I would love to hear your tales of giving and being gifted, message me and let me know.

Award winning Myola Woods, is an Author, Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Somatic Sex Educator, International Intimacy & Relationship Coach.

Myola is a pioneer with courage who bravely speaks about the things that make most of us uncomfortable… Myola will gently lead you out of your comfort zone and into the zone of personal growth and higher self awareness.

Myola specialises in teaching individuals and couples the art of connection, creating and cultivating the choice of arousal, to deepen intimacy, sensation and pleasure … even if it has been a very long time!

As a Sexual being, mother of 4 teenagers and pleasure enthusiast, Myola appreciates the time constraints, daily and social pressures, that can play havoc on our erotic lives. Myola teaches ways to explore and enhance your love making in everyday life. Using techniques and practices that can turn you, and your life, ON.

Take your intimate life from ordinary to extraordinary! Have the orgasms you have read and dreamed about….. YOU deserve them!

So, if you have had enough of mediocre, ready for change and desiring intimacy, connection and arousal, STOP wishing and hoping and START Now! Contact Myola TODAY!. myola@eroticcoaching.com.au 0423919270 www.eroticcoaching.com.au

10 Reasons To Have Your YONI(Vulva) Mapped and How It Can Heal.

In ancient times women had temples, to heal, to learn, to weave their magic. Thetemples were safe places for knowledge transference, womb stories, and the sharing of the mystic mysteries of women and their genitals.

Over time, these practices have disappeared and nowadays the only time women (if ever they do) speak of such parts is in reference to medical issues or jokingly after a few drinks, and sometimes only with their partners. The majority of women have never looked at themselves or know their own anatomy very well at all.

So, you can imagine, suggesting a woman map her yoni can be met with raised eyebrows.

Let’s get some technical words out of the way before we continue.

What is a Yoni?
Yoni is a Sanskrit word meaning the vulva especially as a symbol of divine procreative energy conventionally represented by a circular stone- and encompasses the whole female genital area and the reproductive organs.

Where is the Vulva?
The Vulva is the correct anatomical term for the outside of the female genitals, the parts that can be seen externally. Other names that are commonly used include Vagina which is the anatomical name for the vaginal canal, and pussy.  What do you call yours?

What is mapped?
When an area is first mapped, often we are curious about the terrain, where are the wet areas (are they flowing or dammed), the hills, the foliage, the entrances and exits to hidden valleys or cliffs.

In the context of Yoni’s and Vulvas the intention is very similar, which is to discover the terrain, where are the anatomical positions and connections, what is felt, held or numb. What happens in the area during arousal? Mapping involves bringing knowledge and consciousness to the area.

Imagine the first explorers of a land, wondering what they had found, how would they describe and transcribe what they saw trying to make sense of it, take down the details of the current terrain, atmosphere and their noticings of how to access the area with safety. Part of their role was keep a record in order to make continued journeys easier, more fun and enjoyable.

Often the first Yoni Mapping is the same; the details of the terrain have often been overlooked and misunderstood. When yours is being mapped you are in charge of the journey, discovering your terrain at the finest level. An area is held with the hands or finger tips and presence, awareness, curiosity is brought to the area, we notice what is happening or not happening and take our journey with the body leading the way, being heard, safe and healing on its own terms.

I did my first massage training in my early ‘20s (a few years ago now), I was working as an energetic healer, psychic, meditation teacher and thought bodywork will a be great addition to my skills. I discovered I love bodies, they communicate with me, tell me where to put my hands, how different parts are related and how they can be healed.

When I had my first Yoni Mapping I was very nervous and the session was so profound for me in many ways:

• I felt I had been ripped off as a massage therapist that – ‘ooooh genitals, you can’t go there, that’s wrong’, when the truth is they are another part of our body, full of muscles like my shoulders, but are perceived as wrong. This took some time for me to integrate and – yes – we are being ripped off.
• I experienced my sexual energy, my arousal as mine, not anybody else’s. Not because of someone else. It was mine and I could choose to share it if I wanted.
• I learned I could trust my body and its wisdom and begin the journey of healing confusion around arousal, sexuality, and my body.
• I learned my scar tissue from stitches in birth could heal and disappear and I did not need to be limited in sexual positions any more.

Yoni Mapping practitioners like myself have done extensive training, so this sacred work can again be part of the norm and not outcast.

Who has seen your genitals?

I can see you thinking, “What? Only my Doctor and my lovers have seen my genitals (and maybe my beautician)”.  This is so common – that we only know our genitals for a medical procedure or sexually. We don’t (unless we have done some work) have a context of a sacred healing space. This is what makes Yoni Mapping different – it is the sacred space it takes place in.

Here are the top 10 reasons to have your Yoni mapped:

1. You know your own anatomy

When we claim our own turf, know our anatomy, it is easier to be aware of boundaries: Where do I start and end? What do I look like? What does it feel like? How do I work? When someone takes us through our own anatomy, several light bulbs go off in relation to connection, understanding, and how things may have not gone to plan in the past.

2. Improve pelvic health and continence (no leaking)

The anatomy of our pelvis, pelvic floor and genitals include muscles and bundles of nerves that usually need softening and relaxing. Yoni mapping assists with repositioning the bladder and the uterus as they are able to relax and enhances increased blood flow for efficiency, making dramatic improvements to prolapse and incontinence. Sometimes even making them a thing of the past.

3. Release tight muscles

Imagine your shoulders having never been touched, stretched or massaged for how many years… how much tension do you consider might be in there?

When we hold the parts of the Yoni we are essentially releasing these tight, usually very tight muscles, this results in a change of positioning.  Try this: notice where your shoulders are now, how they feel then bring them as close to your ears as possible squeeze take a breath and let them go to the position they want to now, did it change? Did they soften, relax and possibly even move further away from your ears? The same happens when we release the tight muscles of the pelvis, pelvic floor and genitals.

4. Increase blood flow – remove toxins

When we go for a massage, put pressure on part of our bodies, it increases blood flow, the old blood and toxins are removed and new fresh oxygenated blood is able to enter, bringing more freedom of movement in that part.

5. Increase in sensation

Going back to your shoulders, when they are tight, stiff, lack of movement and flexibility, congested, usually you feel stressed, maybe even a little cranky.  If you have ever been to see someone for your shoulder relief, you know that once the tension is gone (it may take more than a couple of visits) the level of sensation, movement, flexibility, relief, not to mention happier mood, is joyous. Not only to you, but those around you (they may never tell you that). Our pelvic region is just the same, imagine having freedom, improved sensation and movement in this area, what would that add to your life? Would it bring more orgasmicness?

6. Bring consciousness

Being present with our genitals it is a foreign concept isn’t it? Sometimes we wonder why our brain disappears in attraction, arousal and when we really need it during intimate moments (mine as well). With the mapping of the Yoni and pelvic region we are bringing presence and consciousness to this area, connecting our brains and genitals in order to begin the route of congruency and authenticity. Imagine having access to the wisdom of your yoni in real time, now time.

7. Healing of trauma

The majority of us have had some trauma in our lives, these are stored in the cells of our bodies, when there is a sacred space held we can heal and integrate these traumas or memories and we can move into safety and pleasure.

8. Healing of scar tissue

If we have had surgeries, episiotomies, birth trauma, there is scar tissue and when left unattended the skin may not have the flexibility, the blood flow, the sensation it once had. This leads to pain or uncomfortability persistently or in certain positions. It is possible during a Yoni mapping for the scar tissue to be healed and released at the minimum to add flexibility and softening of the tissue to aid in pain removal.

9. New neurological pathways

As the parts of the pelvis and genitals are being held, having consciousness added, the brain is also creating new neurological pathways so it knows its way back, these are becoming your new ways of being. New neurological pathways for sensation, healing, pleasure, creativity, connection, wisdom and boundaries!  Imagine your brain and neurological pathways creating habits for your sensation and pleasure, for your growth – this is what happens. Imagine how connected you would feel and be in your body, life and living.

10. Connection and Love

Yoni mapping develops our connection with ourselves and love of us and our genitals.  This acts as a ripple effect and everyone we encounter our love and connection becomes easier.

Yoni mapping has changed my life and those of my clients.  I invite you to find a practitioner that resonates with you, go beyond the nervousness and the strange taboos and if for no other reason than your pelvic health.

To enquire about Yoni Mapping with Myola simply click the link https://myolawoodsprivatediscussion.as.me/sacredconversation

Award winning Myola Woods, is an Author, Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Somatic Sex Educator, International Intimacy & Relationship Coach.

Myola is a pioneer with courage who bravely speaks about the things that make most of us uncomfortable… Myola will gently lead you out of your comfort zone and into the zone of personal growth and higher self awareness.

Myola specialises in teaching individuals and couples the art of connection, creating and cultivating the choice of arousal, to deepen intimacy, sensation and pleasure … even if it has been a very long time!

As a Sexual being, mother of 4 teenagers and pleasure enthusiast, Myola appreciates the time constraints, daily and social pressures, that can play havoc on our erotic lives. Myola teaches ways to explore and enhance your love making in everyday life. Using techniques and practices that can turn you, and your life, ON.

Take your intimate life from ordinary to extraordinary! Have the orgasms you have read and dreamed about….. YOU deserve them!

So, if you have had enough of mediocre, ready for change and desiring intimacy, connection and arousal, STOP wishing and hoping and START Now! Contact Myola TODAY!. myola@eroticcoaching.com.au 0423919270 www.eroticcoaching.com.au

 

New Shocking Survey reveals 1 in 10 people look at their phones during sex?

I thought this was a joke, I was chatting with a friend and discussing addictions to phones, devices etc and my friend said ‘I bet they are looking at them during sex’ and as you do in these situations… you ask google and I did, google had pages of information, with Surveys, facts and figures on people checking their phones during sex – I was lost for words.

Then I put a post in a FaceBook group because… I couldn’t believe this was true or possible!  To my astonishment, people started to share stories of them, their friends and partners my favorite in a really bad way was, “My friend was texting me and another friend when the person she was seeing was busy ‘down there’ and yes I asked ‘was she giving a blow by blow or organizing their next outing’” and horrifyingly it was the latter, how would you be, intent on giving someone pleasure to look up and find them on their phones? What would you do?

Is this you have you done this? Has this happened to you?

How did we get here?

24 hour availability

In times gone by we only had land lines not available each moment for everyone, we clocked off work and they would have had to ring us at home, unless it was an extreme emergency they would wait until the morning.

Connection

In our society with many FB friends and followers that we are craving actual connection and craving it so much that we look at our phones when we are stopped at the traffic lights because we are sooooo desperate for connection.  Desperate enough to cause an accident, take our eyes off the road and not know what is going on around us.  Have you been guilty of this?

FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)

We are ingrained that we must keep up with, if I don’t answer now or know what the next best tweet, post or hang out in the best places, who am I, I don’t want to miss out, be the only one left out.

We have forgotten about the people we are with? The people close to us?

I love my digital devices, technology and am known for a binge on Netflix as good as anyone, I also make sure that when I am with people close to me, that I am with them.

I am selfish, when I am being intimate with someone them checking their phone is not something I want.  People ringing me they can wait, nobody wants to speak to me (expect who I am with) when I am in that space.

Why do we distract ourselves from pleasure?

Not deserving, Not a priority?

When it comes to our pleasure do we think that it is frivolous, so everyone is more important, our pleasure can wait. We must work hard, keep busy often our pleasure is not our priority.  I invite you to ask yourself the question one of my teachers would ask, ‘How much pleasure are you willing to receive?’ You might be surprised at the answer because there is an infinite supply.

Do we not know what to say?

If you miss the call or if it is an ‘emergency’ how would it be if I was having an ecstatic orgasm and there was an emergency, essentially the emergency will still be there and unless you are the paramedics going at it in the closet there is possibly not much you are going to change if you wait.

It is ok to say I missed your call, I am returning your call without feeling guilty.

Embarrassed?

Are we all still teenagers afraid of being caught in an intimate engagement, we live in a world that shows violence on the news, anyone who remembers the Saturday morning cartoons of Tom & Jerry etc would remember they were extremely violent, animated yes but still violence, we never see two people in deep, connected beautiful lovemaking ever!  It could be taken that society would like us to focus on violence and disconnection and not exclaim, announce, be proud of pleasure, intimacy, deep connection and love making.

Fear of Intimacy

We have never been educated in relationships, sex, intimacy and vulnerability is often shunned and seen as a weakness, when we are intimate with someone, there is the potential for a deepening of connection, intimacy and being seen in vulnerable states, not only your body, your heart, and let’s not mention your orgasm face (have you seen it).  In relationships we often use distractions to keep us from getting to close, revealing to much of ourselves, they keep us safe, not connected, not living a high vibe life but safe.  Maybe we can learn to be safe at higher levels of connection and intimacy.

If you are keen to check your phone during sex, you might like to ask yourself these questions?

• Why do I have sex?
• What is lacking here that I want to look outside?
• What if I resisted the urge to be distracted and be present? What would I notice?
• What am I really distracting myself from?
• Do I need new skills?
• Do I need some help in my intimate life?
• Do I need to seek a professional Sex Educator?

What do you do in the moment of the phone or device calling you so loudly, you can hardly concentrate on anything else?

If this happens, I invite you to take a breath and notice what is really going on for you, your partner and relationship? Being present in all our emotions, feelings and states is a practice, a commitment to oneself to be here now.

If you would like to know more on staying present in life and sex contact Myola here: myola@eroticcoaching.com.au

Let US be the masters of our technology, NOT the other way around, when we are so easily distracted in our very precious intimate moments… Do you think it is time to reevaluate how we are using our devices and habits? And help create a culture of presence, connectedness and love with you and your Lovers.

Award winning Myola Woods, is an Author, Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Somatic Sex Educator, International Intimacy & Relationship Coach.

Myola is a pioneer with courage who bravely speaks about the things that make most of us uncomfortable… Myola will gently lead you out of your comfort zone and into the zone of personal growth and higher self awareness.

Myola specialises in teaching individuals and couples the art of connection, creating and cultivating the choice of arousal, to deepen intimacy, sensation and pleasure … even if it has been a very long time!

As a Sexual being, mother of 4 teenagers and pleasure enthusiast, Myola appreciates the time constraints, daily and social pressures, that can play havoc on our erotic lives. Myola teaches ways to explore and enhance your love making in everyday life. Using techniques and practices that can turn you, and your life, ON.

Take your intimate life from ordinary to extraordinary! Have the orgasms you have read and dreamed about….. YOU deserve them!

So, if you have had enough of mediocre, ready for change and desiring intimacy, connection and arousal, STOP wishing and hoping and START Now! Contact Myola TODAY!. myola@eroticcoaching.com.au

4 Alternatives To Hollywood Movies For Intimate Education

Would you use the movies for driving education, imagine using Fast and Furious for your next drive to the shop, for all our sakes I am hoping you are saying:

“No”

Watching these movies is entertainment, an escape from reality yet in our intimate relations we desire the opposite, we are mammals we are designed for connection and touch. Where do we learn about intimacy, communication, sex and touch – usually from sources that are focused on dis-ease and dysfunction or entertainment.

The statement I often hear is “I am old enough to know this stuff!” if you have never looked into learning something – how would you expect to know it? Of course, in all things some people have a natural knack yet for the rest of us it is practice that makes the difference, builds the skills and knowledge, then it becomes natural and looks easeful.

What ways are there to learn sex and intimate education?

Informal education:
• Role models
• By experience – trial and error

Formal education:
• Seeking for ourselves – books / youtube
• Attending workshops / classes / programs

Role Models

Who were your sexual role models?
Have you ever thought about it?
How did your parents display affection?
Was sex, pleasure and sensuality discussed?

Generally we don’t have quality role models in sexuality. It is only as I have grown and participated in learning through workshops and festivals that I have meet people I consider role models. Our society keeps us in a very narrow viewpoint of love-making, bodies, sexiness, connection, pleasure and orgasmicness and if we are not curious we can believe this is all there is.

Do you need to find some new role models?

By experience trial & error

We have watched a bit of porn, surely we know what we are doing, mostly we go along hoping we have “THE” spot and often we don’t know.

The amount of stories I hear in my role as a Somatic Sex Educator & Intimacy Coach show that trial and error without the elements of curiosity, play, feedback & mutual pleasure is someone fishing around in the dark trying, hoping that it will be ok.

Is this your method? “This one time I think this worked let me try it again but I just can’t find the same angle.”

Formal Education:
Books, Youtube, online courses

Reading about sex, relationships, positions, and spots, watching the strokes wondering if you can make them work

Without practice, without action, it is still in your mind. In my mind I have the voice of an angel, in reality people hide when I begin to sing.

You can read, listen to all the books/videos/audios you like to learn a new language, how to cook or to play a new instrument but until you have actually begun to use it – this is when the knowledge moves from your head to your body.

All of these are great ways to begin, keep enhancing your skills in a non invasive and on your terms and comfortability, because if you get embarrassed only you will know (wink wink). The key here is to discover different ways of connection and love making, in order for us to be our fully expressed selves with as many means as possible.

Attending workshops / classes / programs

“Why would we want to be in a room with other people speaking of such things?”

Was school education a bad experience for you, my high school sex education was all about not getting pregnant and dis-ease. There was never any discussion on what might constitute love making, connection, and encouragement that playful exploration and discovering pleasure throughout the body was possible instead of instructions of “Don’t have sex”, Ridiculous! Imagine leaving only delicious sweet chocolate to eat and then saying “Don’t eat it” without any other possibilities? How long would you last?

Now I have 4 children who have been or are going through the school system and it does not appear much has changed. The focus is still on the biological, disease and no pregnancy. Sexuality, Sensuality, Intimacy, Connection is far greater than these options, no matter how old or young at heart you are there is always room for improvement, deeper levels of intimacy and connection and variety of skills to be felt and had.

What scares us about learning about sex? Is it a reminder of being at school or the awkward conversation with your parents or friends you had that you were uncomfortable with? Is it because we are just supposed to know? Or maybe it is because this topic is arousing – maybe I will be embarrassed?

We tend to only speak about sexuality to our partners or doctors (and sometimes not even then) or make jokes with our friends, we don’t have a context for speaking openly, clearly with someone a professional whose role it is to make discovering sexuality safe, comfortable and an engaging learning environment.

Once people have attended a workshop or become a client they realise I am very down to earth, I share enough to give the picture without TOO much, I use language that is correct anatomically with enough fun and laughter to ease the nerves, I give space for people to share at the level of their willingness, I deliver the skills and knowledge in a way that doesn’t feel like learning because we are curious in a safe environment and enjoying each others company.

Soon into a workshop you can feel the nerves shift, the guards come down, the moment we realise ‘Wow! I am not alone, other people don’t know this stuff’. It is liberating to find out how you can add to your bag of tricks, what adjustments and questions you might ask for honing your skills with your Lover which in turn means both of you are enjoying giving and receiving and I know this is an out there thought… when we enjoy it… we usually want MORE?

Shame is something lots of us carry, one of the ways to move through it, is in group environments, sharing (to any level) dispels the myths, stories, beliefs we have created in our own bodies and lives and gives FREEDOM to express ourselves authentically to us.

Whichever way you choose to learn, it is practice that is the key.

To find out about my upcoming workshops or programs click the link here Workshops and Events

Award winning Myola Woods, is an Author, Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Somatic Sex Educator, International Intimacy & Relationship Coach.
Myola is a pioneer with courage who bravely speaks about the things that make most of us uncomfortable… Myola will gently lead you out of your comfort zone and into the zone of personal growth and higher self awareness.
Myola specialises in teaching individuals and couples the art of connection, creating and cultivating the choice of arousal, to deepen intimacy, sensation and pleasure … even if it has been a very long time!

As a Sexual being, mother of 4 teenagers and pleasure enthusiast, Myola appreciates the time constraints, daily and social pressures, that can play havoc on our erotic lives. Myola teaches ways to explore and enhance your love making in everyday life. Using techniques and practices that can turn you, and your life, ON.
Take your intimate life from ordinary to extraordinary! Have the orgasms you have read and dreamed about….. YOU deserve them!

So, if you have had enough of mediocre, ready for change and desiring intimacy, connection and arousal, STOP wishing and hoping and START Now! Contact Myola TODAY!. myola@eroticcoaching.com.au