adminLeave a comment

How do we befriend our body – when we’ve treated it like an enemy Part 2

How do we befriend our body – when we’ve treated it like an enemy Part 2

Images of people eating and holding their bodies
Images of people eating and holding their bodies

Now that the war has ceased, or at least a white flag has been raised, we can start to create dialogue and communication with the body. We want communication with the body because this is the place where fun, play and curiosity come from. It is difficult to have these when we have a no go zone happening.  Our bodies are the gateway to more pleasure, sensation, and creativity, allowing the possibility of having a greater intimate life.

Let’s explore some ways of opening the doors to your body.

Letting the body take the lead

Mostly we lead with our minds, controlling everything to get it right, having it all figured out.

How often do we ignore the body – telling it:

  • It’s hungry when it’s not, not hungry when it is
  • Wearing those brand new shoes was a great idea for hiking, walking, dancing
  • Even though I’m not feeling aroused – I will continue
  • I’m not aroused and don’t want to offend my partner so I will fake it
  • It is important others feel comfortable, even if I am not.

There is a lot to unravel in these statements and feelings:

  • the why we do it
  • where did they come from
  • how can we heal them and
  • what we can do to learn new connection with our body, for growth, thriving, more sensations, arousal and deeper embodiment.

If we lead with our bodies, we can start developing our relationship by including it in our decision making, trusting it has wisdom.

Treat your body like a new friend, checking in – seeing how it is going, asking questions on likes and dislikes, listening deeply, noticing when something shifts.

Usually, we need to slow down for this to happen, for us to be in a space where we can hear, listen, notice, pay attention to what the body is telling us, getting to know the way it speaks, what messages it is sending us.

What is your morning ritual, how could you include your body more…

Bathing:

  • Asking the body does it want to shower or bath? (if there is an option)
  • Where would the body like to begin? (notice which body part speaks to you or the sensations arising)?
  • How would the body like to be washed? (up and down, circles, lots of soap, loofa, face washer etc)

Moisturising:

  • Would it like moisturising?
  • How and where and
  • which products?

Dressing:

  • Body, what would you like to wear and how would you like to wear it?
  • Body, what would you like to put on first?
  • Body, is there anything else you need?

Movement:

  • Body, how would you like to move and for how long?
  • Body, would you like music or quiet?

We can continue to ask the body during the day – letting it lead the way. If asking open ended questions feels like too much for you to begin with, start with – would you prefer this or this, washing my face or arms, wearing green or yellow under garments. Then you can expand as your communication together expands.

When we first start asking the body you may feel like it doesn’t answer, be patient, keep asking and enquiring, consistency is the way to build trust and for the body to know you really care and this time you are committed to listening and making changes.

It can sometimes feel uncomfortable to try something new, we can have feelings we haven’t acknowledged before or for a long time, feel these.

If you find you have tears or anger, let those arise in you, let them have a voice and have some space to safely express.

Getting and staying in touch with our bodies creates safety and trust for the body to explore, be curious and have fun.   Next, we will move into intimacy and our bodies.

Let me know how you are travelling building connections and asking questions of the body.

Myola Woods, is an Author, Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Somatic Sex Educator, EMDR Practitioner and International Intimacy & Relationship Coach. She specialises in bringing awareness and healing to the parts that are holding us back (fear, trauma, disconnection and disassociation) to reveal our authentic fully expressed selves. Myola guides individuals and couples with the art of connection, creating and cultivating the choice of arousal, to deepen intimacy, sensation and pleasure.
myola@eroticcoaching.com.au www.eroticcoaching.com.au

adminLeave a comment

How to befriend your body part 1

Embodied people enjoying their bodies

How do we befriend our body – when we’ve treated it like an enemy Part 1
Compassion

Often our bodies are instruments of forgetfulness, disconnection, mistrust and abandonment.
Can you relate to any or all of these?

I am often asked how do feel more pleasure, have more desire and be aware of what my body wants intimately and otherwise?

My answer is the same – we need to make friends with our bodies, they are our expression as human beings on the planet. To experience more sensation, pleasure, and knowledge, we need a greater level of embodiment.

Where the eff do I start, is what I hear you and many others saying.

Despite the number of ways we abandon, reject, disconnect and disassociate from our bodies because we want to survive, the body is great at surviving. Our brains are designed to survive at all costs, let’s be thankful for this, for it getting us this far – it has done an amazing job.

When we have operations, experience trauma, abuse, violence, are subject to misinformation and societal pressures of what is normal, unthoughtful comments, stereotypes from porn and Hollywood, it is easy to disregard our bodies, not pay attention and create an unloving and unkind environment.

With this in mind, firstly let’s stop the war!!!

Let’s press pause on the neutral or negative thoughts and behaviours.
Let’s find compassion for ourselves in a world that has set unrealistic expectations on every part of our lives.

Activity
Bringing compassion into your body
Sit for just a moment and find this compassion in your body and breathe into it, breathe it into your hands and put your hands over your heart and imagine this compassion filling your body.
Continue to breathe until you are completely filled with your own compassion.

Do this as many times as it takes to find, feel and fill your body with compassion, notice how this is in your body.
What is happening to your body as your compassion grows?

This is a great activity to include in your daily rituals and begin befriending your body from a place of compassion and not hate.
The war inside will stop, the thoughts of betrayal and unworthiness will lessen and then cease.

Approach with trust
Imagine your body as a scared animal, you need to build trust, consistency, no fast movements. We would approach the scared animal with steadiness, kindness, compassion and we may eventually get them to trust us enough to pat and or hold them.
Our bodies are the same, give the compassion a try – let me know how you go and then we will move to letting the body lead, one step at a time.

Want to know more, stay tuned, the ‘how to steps’ is in part 2 coming soon…

Myola Woods, is an Author, Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Somatic Sex Educator, EMDR Practitioner and International Intimacy & Relationship Coach. She specialises in bringing awareness and healing to the parts that are holding us back (fear, trauma, disconnection and disassociation) to reveal our authentic fully expressed selves. Myola guides individuals and couples with the art of connection, creating and cultivating the choice of arousal, to deepen intimacy, sensation and pleasure.
myola@eroticcoaching.com.au www.eroticcoaching.com.au